If you’ve ever confronted a narcissist about the pain they’ve caused you, you probably didn’t get an apology—or if you did, it was hollow and laced with manipulation. That’s because narcissists don’t actually care if they traumatized you. What they do care about, however, is controlling the story.

The Truth Doesn’t Matter to Them—The Story Does

Narcissists thrive on perception. Their biggest fear isn’t that they’ve hurt you—it’s that others will see them for who they really are. So instead of acknowledging the harm they’ve caused, they rewrite reality to make themselves the victim, the hero, or the misunderstood genius. They’ll twist your emotions, gaslight your experiences, and paint you as “too sensitive” or “crazy” for daring to call them out.

• Gaslighting: They’ll deny what happened, twist your words, and make you question your own memory. “That never happened. You always exaggerate.”
• Blame-shifting: Instead of taking responsibility, they’ll flip the script and make you the villain. “If you hadn’t pushed me, I wouldn’t have reacted that way.”
• Victim-playing: When backed into a corner, they’ll turn themselves into the wounded party to gain sympathy. 
• Smear campaigns: If you refuse to accept their version of events, they’ll go on the offensive, painting you as unstable, bitter, or even abusive to others.

Their Apologies Are Just Another Power Move

If a narcissist does apologize, pay attention—it’s rarely genuine. Their so-called remorse is usually strategic, meant to regain control or manipulate how others perceive them. You’ll hear phrases like, “I’m sorry you feel that way” (which isn’t an apology at all) or “I guess I’m just a terrible person” (which turns them into the victim).

Apologies from a narcissist aren’t about repairing the relationship; they’re about keeping you in it—on their terms.

How to Break Free from Their Narrative

1. Trust your own reality. They will try to rewrite history, but you know what happened. You don’t need their validation to accept your truth.
2. Don’t engage in their mind games. Trying to get them to admit fault is a losing battle. They will never take real responsibility, so stop expecting them to.
3. Cut off their control. Whether that means going no-contact, setting firm boundaries, or refusing to defend yourself against their lies, taking back your power means stepping out of their narrative entirely.

At the end of the day, a narcissist’s biggest concern isn’t your healing—it’s their image. The best thing you can do? Stop playing their game and start living in your truth.